When it comes to cleaning up your diet, one of the most common questions I am asked is some version of how to get your husband on board. It doesn’t matter whether you are transitioning to Paleo, or full Paleo Autoimmune Protocol (AIP), attempting a Whole30, or simply desiring to clean up your diet and overall lifestyle, we want our partners to support us in this journey. So how do you go about getting your husband on board? In this post, I’ll share a little bit of my own experience and offer some suggestions to help you move forward with your goals, whether or not he wants to join you.
It was almost five years ago that I decided to take ownership of my diet and lifestyle choices and finally take the plunge to transition to a Paleo diet (and later AIP). My inspiration was rooted in my aspiration to become a mother, and my husband knew this. I am sure that impacted his support, as he also aspired to be a father, however, I have no doubts that he would have supported me regardless of my motivations. Anyway, here is how I approached cleaning up my diet and lifestyle and getting him on board.
You Don’t Need Permission
First, I didn’t ask his permission. I shared what I was planning to do, what that would look like, and how that would impact him. We had very open communication about this shift in my diet, because, well, I am the one that does the grocery shopping, meal planning, and cooking 99% of the time.
It just so happened that I chose to clean up my diet as we moved from one apartment to another (PS: I highly recommend using a move to make other transitions in your diet and lifestyle). So I announced to him that I would be following the Paleo template after we moved. We were cleaning out the pantry and kitchen to move anyway, so it just made sense.
To my shock, he was totally cool with it initially. He wasn’t taken aback at all. I even stopped to make sure he understood what this new diet would mean. I don’t know if he secretly doubted me or fully believed in me, but he didn’t push back. He actually joked with me and asked how I am going to bake without flour (if you know me, you know I love to bake and have quite a sweet tooth). I told him the challenge was accepted, and indeed I found recipes for cookies, bread, and muffins within the first two weeks of Paleo.
The transition to AIP a few years later was difficult for both of us, to be honest. But as soon as I found tasty new recipes, it got easier. Again, I didn’t seek his consent to work on my health. My husband was always supportive, even when expressing frustration.
Anyway, to recap, you don’t need someone else’s permission to invest in yourself. You don’t need permission to make diet and lifestyle changes. You don’t need permission to grow as a person. I don’t know where this narrative came from or why we fall for it, but you don’t need to ask someone else’s permission to better your own life. To the extent that you are in control of certain factors, you can change those factors.
He Doesn’t Have to be On Board
Continuing with that thought, you don’t actually have to get your husband on board. Read that again. Your spouse does not have to be on board. Will it make it easier if he is? Yes, of course! But does he have to be, no!
My husband is very supportive, and as I mentioned earlier, I do the vast majority of the cooking, so he eats the healthy meals I put on the table. That being said, he still eats whatever he wants when he is not at home. Also, I continue to buy him some of the foods he enjoys as snacks or to supplement our main meal.
What that often looks like is that he has boxes of gluten-free granola bars, a jar of peanut butter, and tortilla chips in the pantry. In the freezer are gluten-free bagels and ice cream. Are all of these things made with ideal ingredients? Absolutely not. But if you’ve noticed, I do attempt to keep them at least gluten-free and that’s a compromise that we mostly agree on, most of the time.
Cook Once
That being said, I only cook one meal. I do not cook a separate meal for my husband (or our daughter). I do try to keep in mind his preferences and try to make delicious meals, but I am not spending extra time in the kitchen making two completely different meals. No, thank you!
Honestly, I do not understand why some people feel as though they must do this. I promise you, I am a much better cook now than before I ever attempted to eat healthily. Partly because now I have to cook all of our meals from scratch and we are eating real food. So it’s more delicious! There will be a learning curve, yes, but after some trial and error testing recipes, you will find your groove.
So let’s not add extra work to our plates, but let’s also be courteous. I keep in mind his preferences where I can. I buy him his favorite BBQ sauce for brisket and “real” tortillas and guacamole (no nightshades for me) for fajitas. When meal planning, I do think of him and the recipes he enjoys most. Your husband doesn’t have to be on board to eat the healthy meals you make. So cook once, but be thoughtful and make it delicious, and the complaints will be few.
Focus on the Positive
Let’s remember to choose our battles. The lifestyle I have just described above means that my husband is eating a wholesome, clean diet about 70% of the time, and I am calling that a win! Depending on how many days a week he gets to eat lunch and/or breakfast at work, that percentage fluctuates a little bit, but it’s hovering close enough to the 80:20 Rule that I talk about here.
Eating a clean diet the majority of the time usually impacts your health, and I would have to say that it has positively impacted my own husband. So let’s not get bogged down by the occasional unhealthy snack or fast food run of our spouse. Overall, the positive changes that you are making will also rub off on him. Your goals may differ from his and that’s alright. That being said, I wouldn’t be surprised if, after a while, he notices a difference in his waistline or discovers that indeed that milkshake may not completely agree with him after all.
Respect One Another
So talk with your husband. Be open about your inspirations, goals, and struggles. Let him know that he doesn’t have to join you in this diet and lifestyle change, but that you are going to pursue it anyway. Be honest and share why you would like for him to join you. Respect that you may be in a different place on your individual health and wellness journey’s and that’s alright. Discuss how he can still support you and in what ways you can still accommodate him. You may eventually get your husband on board after all.
For more lifestyle tips, check out my post on 5 Tips for a Healthy Lifestyle.
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